Weddings in paradise on the decline

Honolulu (AP) — Twinkling waters. Swaying palms. Powdery sand. Sorbet sunsets. Graceful hula dancers. Ahhhhh, Hawaii.

Long regarded as a hot spot for destination weddings, it whispers “exotic” without requiring a battery of shots or a passport. But over the last year, a perfect storm has soaked the local wedding industry: a shaky national economy, the shutdown of two major airlines servicing the islands, and a statewide crackdown enforcing permits for beach weddings.

“People just aren’t coming here,” said Penei Aller, who runs Beach Weddings Hawaii with her husband, Dard. They were involved with 62 weddings last year — a company record. This year, they’ve only booked about half that.

Aller, a Big Island minister and singer, has been doing weddings since the 1970s. Because her company tends to coordinate smaller events, she thought they’d weather the downturn more easily.

She was wrong.

“For December, we have more baptisms than weddings,” Aller said. “That’s never happened before.”

The problems started when Aloha Airlines and ATA Airlines abruptly went out of business just days apart in April. The economy was already faltering and worsened as the year progressed.

Fuel prices reached all-time highs and reasonably priced airline tickets were increasingly scarce.

Then, Hawaii’s Department of Land and Natural Resources announced it would begin in August to enforce a requirement that many beach weddings needed a permit.

“I think initially when the announcement came out in the summer, people were kind of stunned,” said Susan O’Donnell of Aloha Wedding Planners on Oahu.

“It just seemed a little untimely.”

Morris Atta, who leads the land division for the state agency, said the law is meant to protect the public beaches and originally targeted commercial boating operations in Kauai.

‘Tourism around the world is being affected by our (U.S.) economy.’

Marsha Wienert
Hawaii’s tourism liaison

It expanded to include weddings after a Maui party refused to cooperate with officials.

The permits are required for most weddings that hire any professional services on the beach, including wedding planners or ministers.

Usually, the professionals file for the permits, which cost 10 cents per square foot, with a minimum $20.

Violators could face fines of up to $5,000, but Atta said that so far people have been complying and no fines have been issued.

Since August, the state has tightened the rules several times. Beach weddings now may last no more than two hours. No chairs may be brought onto the beach except those needed for the elderly and disabled, and fewer decorations are allowed.

“We understand the beaches are public and they are there for the masses to enjoy,” said O’Donnell, adding that the state made the permit process simpler by putting it online in the last few months.

But she thinks some of the new rules are too strict.Wedding-industry professionals are assembling recommendations for state officials that they hope will be an acceptable compromise.

The decline in weddings, however, isn’t just a wedding issue, noted Marsha Wienert, Hawaii’s tourism liaison: Tourism in general is down.

The number of air visitors fell 7.9 percent in the first 10 months of 2008 and total visitor days were down 8.1 percent from the same period in 2007.

And it’s not just Hawaii. “Tourism around the world is being affected by our (U.S.) economy,”Wienert said.

According to the Hawaii Department of Health, 12,377 non-residents were married in the state through September 2008. That’s an 11 percent drop from 13,887 for the same period in 2007.

Many of those who do come to Hawaii are having smaller weddings and ordering fewer services.

Christine Gardner, a hair and makeup artist, said brides are still getting their hair and makeup professionally done, but many are no longer paying for their bridesmaids to join them.

“They’re really rethinking what they need,” said Gardner, who co-owns the salon Flaunt.

O’Donnell, who has been in the wedding business since 1990, typically helps coordinate about 80 events annually. She has seen a 30 percent to 40 percent drop over the last year.

And Dave Miyamoto, a photographer and president of the Oahu Wedding Association, said his business is down 20 percent from last year. Back then, he says, he was getting bookings at least a year in advance. Now, the calls he receives are more likely to be for a wedding a month or two away.

“People are a little more careful with their money right now,” he said.

The couple standing at the altar may already be married

Mike Hightower teased his wife about forgetting their first wedding anniversary, but Alison Hightower had a good reason for being confused: The couple had agreed to mark the day they exchanged vows in front of friends and family, rather than the day they legally wed.

The Hightowers are among a small but growing number of couples who tie the knot before their wedding ceremony.

Reasons vary, including insurance benefits, living arrangements, religion, citizenship requirements or marriage license restrictions. The practice also is common among members of the military, who may want to marry before they are deployed or to guarantee that their partner can travel with them to an assignment.

In the Hightowers’ case, it was all about football.

Being married allowed Mike to purchase an extra season ticket for University of Florida football games. If the Gainesville, Fla., couple had waited until their wedding date, in May 2006, they would have missed the deadline to apply. So they wed in March at the courthouse, with her parents and some close friends attending.

“Most of our family understands our love of football,” said Alison, 28, who came up with the plan.

A family friend officiated at the May ceremony, which included the exchange of rings, the bridal party and other traditional elements of a wedding.

“It’s really pretty common” now to marry days or weeks before the ceremony, said Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of the wedding Web site, TheKnot.com. “It definitely is accepted.”

An infected tooth led Maria and Mory Thiaw of Camp Hill, Pa., to the altar three months early. Mory, who did not have dental insurance, had an untreated cavity that was causing a fever.

“He was getting sick. It was awful,” recalled Maria, 34, who wanted to get him on her insurance plan. “I said, ’I’m not letting you go through this.”’

Their minister readily agreed to perform both weddings. “He told me this happens all the time,” she said.

The Thiaws opted not to tell friends and family before their formal ceremony last August. But they will celebrate their anniversary in May, the day they became legal.

“It’s not like the 85 wedding guests are going to be at our anniversary dinner,” Maria said.

Two weddings are the norm for Chinese Americans who want a traditional Chinese wedding, said Cathy Luo of Brooklyn, N.Y., who planned two ceremonies in 2007. The U.S. government does not recognize the Chinese tea ceremony as a wedding, so couples also go through a civil ceremony.

Luo’s marriage license says she married Gary Mah on Oct. 19, 2007, but the couple treats Dec. 8, the day of their tea ceremony, as their anniversary.

For Mary and Anthony Baszkowski, the decision to have two weddings was all about their anniversary date. They wanted to marry on Oct. 18, the 10th anniversary of their first date, but the hall they wanted for the ceremony was booked that day.

So they got married Oct. 18 in front of 50 people in Central Park, in New York City. Six days later, the couple, from Toms River, N.J., got married again, with 180 people in attendance.

“The first time, it was small and intimate,” said Mary, 26. “For the second one, we wrote our own vows. It was perfect.”

Wedding Timetable

SIXTEEN TO NINE MONTHS BEFORE WEDDING

• Determine what type of wedding you want, whether you want formal or informal, then you need to choose a date.
• Visit the clergy and review synagogue/ church requirements with him or her.
• Determine the size of your guest list.
• Determine your budget and division of expenses . who pays for what.
• Find a reception location and make reservations early.
• Select Wedding Gown.

NINE TO SIX MONTHS BEFORE WEDDING

• Choose your attendants.
• Choose a color theme.
• Choose attendantfs dresses.
• Book your caterer.
• Book your photographer.
• Book your videographer.
• Plan ceremony and reception music.
• Compile names and addresses for guest list.

SIX TO FOUR MONTHS BEFORE WEDDING

• Select a florist.
• Book your disc jockey or band.
• Order invitations and party favors.
• Shop for bridal party tuxedos.
• Finalize arrangement for the church and ceremony.
• Make transportation arrangements.
• Plan honeymoon; visit travel agencies, make reservations.
• All deposits should be made and contracts signed.
• Put together ideas for bridal registry.
• Plan wedding decorations.

THREE MONTHS BEFORE WEDDING

• Choose gifts for attendants, parents, helpers.
• Buy wedding rings.
• Order the wedding cake.
• Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, guest book and garter.

TWO MONTHS BEFORE WEDDING

• Make plans and reservations for wedding rehearsal and dinner.
• Reserve rooms for out-of-town guests.
• Address invitations and announcements. Invitations should be sent four to six weeks prior to wedding; announcements after wedding.

ONE MONTH BEFORE WEDDING

• Finalize details of every aspect of your wedding.
• Confirm all your honeymoon reservations.
• Have final fittings for you and your attendantfs dresses.
• Get marriage license.
• Ask a friend or relative to take. Charge of guest book at reception.
• Pick up wedding rings.
• Purchase gift for fiance.

TWO WEEKS BEFORE WEDDING

• Complete your trousseau.
• Prepare wedding announcement to send to newspapers.
• Contact guests who have not yet responded to your invitation.

ONE WEEK BEFORE WEDDING

• Pick up your gown, attendantsf dresses and accessories.
• Confirm details with all participants and inform them of any changes.
• Pack suitcases and bags for honeymoon.
• Make sure you have all wedding attire, rings and, most importantly, the marriage license.
• Have wedding rehearsal and the dinner.
• Have nails done.
• Give final guest count to reception facility or caterer.
• Get a massage.

WEDDING DAY

• Have hair and makeup done.
• Take marriage license and rings to ceremony site.
• Begin dressing two hours before ceremony is to begin.
• Mail wedding announcements.

ANNIVERSARY GIFTS

A partial list of traditional and modern gifts for wedding anniversaries.This list was compiled by librarians at the Chicago Public Libraryfs Information Center. The traditional gift is listed first (with alternatives in parentheses), and the modern gift is second.

• 1st. Paper - Clocks
• 2nd. Cotton - China
• 3rd. Leather - Crystal, Glass
• 4th. Linen (Silk) - Appliances
• 5th. Wood - Silverware
• 6th. Iron - Wood objects
• 7th. Wool (Copper) - Desk sets
• 8th. Bronze - Linens, Lace
• 9th. Pottery (China) - Leather goods
• 10th. Tin/Aluminum - Diamond.

Hard-to-find dresses for the unconventional bride

DES PERES, Mo. (AP) — As a Mormon planning a temple wedding, Jenna Gaal knew what she needed in a wedding gown: pure white, with sleeves and a conservative neckline and hem.

She just couldn’t find it.

“I tried on things that looked like nightgowns, floor-length with beads,” said the 23- year-old from Kansas City,Mo., who wanted something elegant as well as modest.

Finally, she found her dress about a four-hour drive from home at Chatfields Boutique in the St. Louis suburb of Des Peres. Chatfields, which bills itself as “an unexpected wedding store” features modest, plus-size, eco-friendly, maternity and other specialty gowns.

Its owner, Debbie Welcher, notes that not all brides are seeking a size 6 strapless couture gown. While those with unconventional — or very traditional — needs may have to do a little more homework, there are places where they, too, can find the dress of their dreams.

Gaal was beaming, and her mother looked happy too, as she stood in front of a mirror at Chatfields while her satin gown — with covered shoulders, a dropped waist and box pleats — was being fitted. She found the store because it is near her wedding temple.

“Oh my goodness! I was almost in tears because I had 10 to 20 dresses to try on, instead of two or three to try and work with,” she said. “I think it’s a great thing because every bride wants to look pretty on her wedding day.”

Welcher was motivated to create a boutique of hard-to-find bridal dresses when she heard a radio call-in discussion about how difficult it could be for pregnant brides to find flattering dresses and sympathetic salespeople.

Her store now serves a variety of niche bridal markets. There is a pregnant mannequin in the same store window as another mannequin wearing a templeready gown with high neck and long sleeves. The maternity dress is a champagne taffeta with a corset back that can be laced to adjust for a changing figure. It also includes a panel of fabric that expands to accommodate an expanding belly.

“It’s not just an empire with fabric hanging down,”Welcher said, referring to the high-waistline style that might be used to dress a pregnant woman. “I love this dress because it’s so Audrey Hepburn.”

These days, brides want gowns that fit their own personal circumstances, say those in the industry.

“The whole concept of a traditional bride is being turned on its head a little bit,” said spokeswoman Cindi Freeburn of David’s Bridal, which has about 300 stores nationwide.

“Brides really want to make their wedding their own.”

Freeburn noted that about 15 percent of American weddings are now “destination” weddings, for which brides might want gowns that can be worn outside, perhaps with a shorter train or other practical considerations.

Gown preferences also can vary by region, she said, and David’s adjusts its mix of dresses to meet demand — providing more covered-up gowns, for instance, in areas where there are larger concentrations of conservative, religious families. The chain doesn’t specifically design maternity dresses, Freeburn said, but has in-store experts trained to make those alterations. They can help meet other special requests, too, she said. A jacket or cover-up may be the answer for a bride seeking a modest silhouette at a religious ceremony. Sleeves can be added to certain designs, or bodices built up with more fabric to raise a neckline.

The industry also has seen an increase in plus-size gowns; an estimated 25 percent of women getting married need them.

David’s, based in Conshohocken, Pa., stocks a wide range of sizes, and Welcher says her boutique has samples up to size 30. Recently, Marimo USA introduced Bara Luxe, a collection of couture wedding gowns for plus-size women, including a halter dress and one with a mermaid cut.

Customers “get to see a lot of styles they may have thought they couldn’t wear,” said Yvonne McClendon, a director for Marimo.

“She’s as glamorous or romantic or sexy — not as she wants to be, but as she is.”

Asking dad for daughter’s hand has staying power

Adrian Enrique was nervous when he popped the question to Leah Smeenk. And he had been even more nervous when he sought permission from her mom and dad first.
“I wanted to make sure I did it right,” said Enrique, 25, of Orlando, Fla. “It’s a ritual. It shows respect. You just start out on the right foot with the parents.”

Although seeking permission from a woman’s father is no longer a societal must, many prospective grooms still do it as a way to gain the trust, respect or friendship of their future fathers-in-law. Some include mothers in the conversation.

In fact, 73 percent of the men who participated in a 2007 survey by Men’s Health magazine and TheKnot.com, a wedding Web site, said a guy should seek dad’s permission before giving his daughter a ring. Sixty-eight percent of the women who responded said that asking their dad was not necessary, but was OK, according to the survey of more than 10,000 men and women.

Men like the tradition because it gives them a place to start as they plan the proposal, said Anja Winikka.

“The proposal is the one thing where he’s got all the control,” she said.

Enrique came up with a way to talk to Smeenk’s parents before he finalized his plans for how to propose to her. During Jan and Leonard Smeenk’s August visit to Orlando, Enrique took them to a jewelry store and showed them the ring he had chosen.

He recalls telling them: “You know I love your daughter very much. As long as it’s OK with you, I’d really like to give this to Leah and ask her to spend the rest of her life with me.”

The speech made a big impact on the family.

“They were all ecstatic,” recalled Enrique. “They respect me more because of this.”

Jan Smeenk, of Montoursville, Pa., agreed.

“It was very special,” she said. “I felt he was showing both Leah and her family respect.”

Randy Burns, 28, also saw a conversation about marriage with his future father-in-law as a way to earn approval — even though they had just met a day earlier.

“It was very awkward,” Burns, of Louisville, Ky., said of the July conversation with Collin Stevens. “I thought it was the right thing to do. He was floored but at the same time I definitely got the feeling he respected me for asking.”

The discussion took “guts,” agreed Stevens. “It was a respectful thing to do. I don’t think it was a necessary thing to do. If that’s who my daughter wants to marry, then that’s it.”

Mallorey Stevens, who said yes to Burns a few days later, appreciated the gesture.

“I’m really close to my dad,” she said. “It helped them bond. Now, they have a story between the two of them.”

The custom has come back into favor with a different connotation than it had in the past, said Stephanie Coontz, who teaches family studies at Evergreen State College in Olympia,Wash., and directs research and public education for the Council on Contemporary Families.

‘It made me feel like I had another son.’

Marty Fleischman

“We’re playing with conventions,” she said. “It’s totally a formality. How many couples that are in love would accept a no?”

Today, the courtesy seems to signal a man’s desire to foster a respectful and loving relationship with his intended’s parents, she said.

“People are rediscovering the need to have support networks of friends and family,” Coontz said.

Marty Fleischman said he was “totally shocked” and pleased in 2007 when Brett Berger asked permission to marry his daughter, Shawna.

“It made me feel like I had another son,” said Fleischman, of Dania Beach, Fla. “It showed he wanted to be part of my family.”

When Shawna Fleischman Berger learned about the conversation months later, she was touched.

“It just showed that Brett really valued their opinion and how strongly he viewed their relationship,” she said. “My dad was just so excited.”

Who pays for what ?

BRIDE. Groom's wedding ring, groom's wedding gift, gifts for the bridal attendants, bridal attire and accessories, wedding consultant, bridal luncheon.

GROOM. Bride's engagement and wedding ring, bride's wedding gift, gifts for the groom's attendants, marriage license, officiant's fee, groom's attire, boutonnieres for groom's attendants, honeymoon.

BRIDE'S FAMILY. Wedding invitations/ announcements, transportation for bridal party, wedding reception, flowers, photography, videography,musical entertainment.

GROOM'S FAMILY. Rehearsal dinner, boutonnieres and corsages for immediate family members, attendants, rental or purchase of wedding attire, travel expenses to and from wedding city, wedding gift for the wedding couple, bridal/coed shower, bachelor/ette party.

Wedding planning: Enjoy the process and don’t sweat the small stuff

“My advice would be to enjoy the process. You can get so bogged down with the little details and in the big picture, no one is going to know (if something is wrong), so enjoy it as much as you can.

The night Michael Phelps won his last gold medal at the Olympics in August was when Jarett Landry proposed to Kallie Barras.

“We had talked about it and agreed that we wanted a Spring wedding, but it was a surprise when he actually did it,” Barras said. “We were on vacation with my parents and he actually asked my dad first. It was funny because my dad said, ‘Are you sure?’ When I was younger, he always used to tell me, ‘They may take you, but they’ll bring you right back,’” she said, with a laugh.

Having a career as a fundraiser, Barras said she was used to making plans for events.

“The two big differences are I am signing the checks and I get to choose all my favorite things,” she said. “This is the only time in my life when I can choose what I want.”

Barras admitted that at the beginning it was “very crazy and stressful.

It’s your favorite of everything, so enjoy it.’

Kallie Barras

“I got very overwhelmed quickly, because it is all so personal. It’s not just you and your fiancee, it’s the families involved and taking into consideration what they want.”

One of the most productive things Barras said for her, was that she and Jarett each made their three top priorities and respected each other’s choices.

Their wedding is set for April at Shadows-on-the-Teche in New Iberia.

“There was a lull after the big stuff was done,” Barras said. “Now I am in my second wind. It can be fun. It’s your favorite of everything, so enjoy it.” // Wedding Guide

Local couples share wedding planning experiences

Anyone who watches the many TV “reality” shows put out these days about weddings, has to believe that planning for this special day causes more than a little stress. From the “Bridezillas” to the over-the-top wedding planners, it’s enough to make young couples elope.

But checking with three local couples who have weddings on their mind, reveals the true reality, that planning a wedding does not have to be a stressful experience.

“I learned not to stress over the small things, there is so much more out there,” said Laci Bourque of New Iberia, who is marrying fiance Justin Caprito of St. Martinville in March.

Bourque’s wedding planning experience started off with quite a bit of stress.

“He proposed to me in May and we originally set the date for one year,” she said. “We couldn’t find a hall and moved the date to June.We booked a hall, but came to find out it was double-booked. That’s when we started panicking and came up with a March date.”

The couple’s stress factor, however, was put into perspective when, just one week after the proposal, Bourque was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

“My fiance was wonderful,” she said. “He was with me every step of the way, which only confirmed what I knew, that he was the one for me.”

Plans for the wedding continued and after two surgeries, one in August and one in October, Bourque was pronounced well. The tumor, found to be benign, was removed.

“I would advise anyone getting married to start planning early,” she said. “A lot of my plans were already done and it’s a good thing because if I hadn’t started right away, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

‘I learned not to stress over the small things, there is so much more out there.’

Laci Bourque

As for her choice of bridal gown and bridesmaid dresses, Bourque said she had always wanted the colors yellow and brown for her wedding colors and the very first gown she tried on was the one she bought.

Eryn Viator and William Craig Morel Jr. were joined in holy matrimony Jan. 23 at St. Genevieve Catholic Church in Lafayette. The New Iberia couple made all their plans in just four months.

“The date picked was when the church, the reception and everyone else was able to do it,” Viator said a couple of days before her wedding. “Ours was a team effort, with my mom and sisters, my future mother-in-law and bridesmaids all helping out,” she said. “We just wanted everything to fit our personalities. // Wedding Guide